Preparing for sex with a new partner can feel like preparing for war.
Honestly, there are couple occasions in life when guys feel that very same intense sensation of fear. Ive seen guys getting ready for a date with a woman with their hands shaking and ready to puke like theyre ready to storm the beaches of Normandy.
They even go through the same processes
They psyche themselves up to seize their nerve. They try to plan the tactics theyll need to be their most successful in battle. And after that they think about an escape plan for when things fail.
But that will never make you excited to jump in bed with somebody! That pressure simply stresses you out and triggers huge performance anxiety.
Who wants to start off their escapades like that?
Luckily, I want to show you that your worries are largely unfounded. The path to everybody having a good time in bed is easier than you believe.
It's about stripping away all the bullshit of what women are expecting from you.
Here are 6 realities to conquer your sexual performance stress and anxiety with new ladies.
Women arent expecting your best
You may feel the pressure to give ladies some mind-altering experience the very first time they make love with you. The reality is that no woman presumes that will be the case. Women understand that when 2 people are probing intimacy together, it takes time to line up.
They understand you both will be more nervous. They understand things may be a little clumsy to start. In fact, in some cases a little bit of awkwardness is a terrific way to laugh and take the seriousness out of the room.
Women understand this is a procedure where you 2 will discover what you delight in. Which you will have to construct the right interaction patterns together.
So if a lady likes you, she will be patient because she knows the best sex is yet to come.
They cant sense your lack of experience
If you haven't had much sexual experience, youre probably worried that ladies will in some way detect it.
But women aren't mind-readers and honestly, there isn't much physical distinction in between a skilled guy vs. an unskilled one. Its still putting your penis in and out of a vagina. If you go a little slower, a little faster, much deeper, shallower, its not going to make you stand out as a noob.
Its not like shes thinking, Wow, this guy thrusts like a novice!
The only way a lady is most likely to know youre inexperienced is if you tell her or constantly apologize for your performance. If you just do your thing, however it might be, shell just think its part of the regular discovery process.
You do not need to make them orgasm
Pornography really messes with our understanding of womens sexual experiences. If you watch enough of it, you might think that women are supposed to have toe-curling, eye-rolling, guttural-screaming numerous orgasms.
Truly, many ladies struggle to orgasm during sex. Or they don't orgasm every time. And this is particularly accurate when its with brand-new partners. Again, all of us have a higher level of anxiety, uncertainty, and are focused on figuring each other out which makes it more difficult to come.
More significantly, ladies do not need to get to orgasm to have unbelievable sexual experiences. So much of their satisfaction is about the vibe, your closeness, your eye contact, and the sensations you share.
Lastly, ladies have a lot of more nerve endings down there than you do. Sex feels unbelievable the whole time and the orgasm is simply a good bonus, unlike with guys where a great deal of the enjoyment is throughout those final seconds.
If you have a hard time to stay up, women usually believe its on them
No one wishes to show up to the batting plate with a wet noodle. However the pressure to stay hard causes stress and anxiety and keeps you soft.
When youre feeling nervous, its almost impossible to feel aroused also. We can just hold one strong feeling at a time. So let me offer some relief:
If for some reason you do not stay hard, women usually presume its something about them or the scenarios. Theyre more concerned if theyre hot enough or if youre enjoying yourself. Theyre not thinking, This man cant get it up, whats his issue?
Im not saying you must misinform ladies or put the blame on them. Rather, if you just let them know, Hey no stress, not sure whats going on, but Im having a fun time with you regardless. then they can still have fun, too.
Keep in mind, the entire experience for women is about a lot more than penetration or the orgasm.
And as a tip
If you cant employ your member, youve always got your hands (or tongue).
Your stuff aint working? Guess what? Youre in luck! Your other appendages are always good to go and they feel incredible to ladies.
Lets imagine youre struggling to get it up. If you don't make it a big deal then she wont see it as one. Get rid of the pressure to keep attempting and instead offer to please her for a while. Vice versa, you can also ask her to touch and play with you, too.
If youve never simply made out, played around, laughed, and ran your hands all over each other with a brand-new lady you need to absolutely try it. Its a lots of fun and helps enhance that its not always about the end goal but the journey.
Interestingly enough, when you lose yourself with a lady like this, that flexibility paves the way for more stimulation. So many times Ive spoke to men who stopped attempting to penetrate a lady, fooled around for a while, and then found themselves prepared to rock-and-roll.
Ladies are most interested in your satisfaction
Like I stated, women aren't anticipating you to knock their socks off from the get go. I think so many men envision ladies going through a 10-point list of their performance during sex.
They imagine that girl moving down the list: does not thrust deep enough, too quiet, sweating too much. Or they picture a woman actively comparing them to other men in the moment.
The truth is, they are just as worried about providing you with a good experience as you are with them. (At least someone who gives a shit about your satisfaction is.) And if not, thats not somebody you ought to stress over connecting with further.
Their checklist is more like, Is he turned on?, How do my stretch marks look?, Does this position look complementary?, How do I smell down there?, or Do I look chubby like this?
So instead of focusing on your technique and endurance, connect to the moment. Feel the physical experiences, listen to her attractive voice, and explore the positions or ideas that thrill you intensely. These are all things that are quickly within your control.
Let yourself feel the softness of her skin. Savour in how great her vagina feels or how her hands feel like silk wrapping your penis. Let her soft groans run down your spine and travel through your core. Look her in the eyes while you enter her. Do not hold back let the feeling of moving in and out of her run through you and make you groan in ecstasy.
If she can see youre having fun, shell feel the same way. And shell leave the experience with only good associations.
In reality, making love with a new partner is not like war at all. If anything, its like your first dance together.
Its about exploration, feeling the ambiance, and gradually getting in rhythm with each other. New sexual experiences are supposed to feel enjoyable, not deadly.
It is not a do or die scenario. It does not demand excellence. And if you mess up, you will have much more possibilities to fight again.
The best thing you can do is lessen the expectations for yourself. Due to the fact that truthfully, thats all ladies really want from you, too.
These articles are created as a way to educate our members with tips and tricks of finding love in this day and age. It's a very different landscape out there than it was even 10 years ago. Everything is different with COVID and people are struggling. We want to help you find your person at "The Flock". That's the whole point. But to do that, education is important. Love and respect, Todd Staples. Founder of "The Flock"