I decided to write this bc of late I have seen some post about certain subjects that appear to keep some individuals struggling in the dating realm. By no means am I a relationship expert, nor would I ever claim to be one, but, those here are here bc they aren't successful in the dating world. So the advice I am going to try and give is but more so how a vast majority of dating issues are self-inflicted. The whole women only like assholes, or short guys have no chance, or I am not 6ft or just this or that reason. I want to explain to you what it is that humans are drawn to, while also telling you what pushes people away.
No matter your situation or what you may believe the reason is you aren't having any luck, understand that all humans work the same and by that I mean we all desire what we can't have to a certain degree. There is no way around it. Unless you have truly gotten to a level of self-mastery then more than likely you experience this emotion/feeling and have had these thoughts. Those who don't want you, you want them, and those who want you, you don't want them. Now, of course this isn't absolute across the board but I am sure a vast majority of us have experienced and come across this situation at some point in our life and if you haven't then I bet I some point you will understand what I mean.
Again, this post isn't about how to find love bc that is a whole another ball game within itself but this is more so how to even get to a place where you even have the opportunity to find love or at the very least feel desired and wanted. Even if that is just for a summer fling, one night stand, or something much more meaningful.
You must understand that we can never truly hide what it is that we feel on the inside. And by that I mean we are by are very nature always going to express what it is we feel. When we are hurt we cry, when we are full of joy we laugh, when we are happy we smile. Every emotion has a physical response, and no matter how hard you try to mask it, it will always come to form in some shape or manner and others will see, feel, and sense it. Always. Yeah, but what does this have to do with dating?
When it comes to dating we ALL are attracted to certain traits. Now each person obviously has their own and it may change person to person but one trait that we all are attracted to is confidence. We all No reason to go into details as to the why's but it is just in our DNA to be drawn to someone who oozes confidence. Okay, simple right? Just be confident! Well, of course we all wish it was that easy. But I tell you it is actually easy once you understand. So, how does one become confident? First we must understand what confidence is.
So, what is confidence? And where does it come from? Does confidence come from looks? Does confidence come from money? Does confidence come from any material aspect of life? The answer is simply, No! I tell you this now, and until you truly understand what I am telling you, you will never be confident. True confidence comes from knowing that you will be happy with or without someone. That you do not need this or that to happen in order for you to find happiness or peace within. To able to say this to someone in such a way that is isn't rude or demeaning or snarky or an attempt to belittle someone or come off cool, but comes from a place of having found peace within self and knowing deep down that everything is going to be okay weather this or that goes as planned. THIS, THIS right here is confidence!
And insecurities are the exact opposite. You are not okay with being alone and so you are attempting to find that happiness no longer in self but in others, banking on the idea of changing your so called un-happiness by attempting to find someone all while being afraid of how this or that person may or may not like you bc of some certain reasons. So you try to mask these so called feelings in hopes that the person will not see you for who you are in that moment, but remember what I told you that you can not hide what it is you feel. Sure, maybe you can attempt to alter certain behaviors of yours but you will always sub-consciously express these undesired feelings and emotions, either through verbal, or physicals integrations.
Your actions will be that of someone who needs for this to go right, someone who is overly trying to make this or that happen, and that my friend is when all those traits of clingy, needy, desperation start to show, bc you are so fixated on this working that you are now starting to overly text, you are starting to act in a way that is no longer you but more so what you think this person will like, and so now the 'good morning beautiful' and the double, triple texting when they don't text you back right away bc you are now losing your 'happiness' that you have placed in the idea of this person or this situation working as you desired.
Remember when I said that we all want what we can't have? Well, a part of why we have become this why is that exact reason. We have fallen into the depths of chasing something that we fell has always alluded us and so we chase it more and more and the more so we do it seems it just keeps getting further and further away. And all though the thought of never obtaining is hurts deeply within, the only way to obtain it is to stop chasing after it. By this I mean we have been some focused on trying to achieve this ideal of ours that it has consumed us. It is all we think about. It is all the thoughts the run through our minds. This is not where we should be, bc this route has lead us to where you are now at this very moment.
So what then? Do I just give up on the fact that I will never be successful with dating, and that I may never have a partner , and that I may always be alone? No, not at all bc I promise you this. Once you start to shift your ideal to finding that same happiness you were searching for in someone else, to now searching for it within yourself, you will start to express those traits of confidence I spoke, knowing that you will do not need someone to be happy.
This will allow you to then that will allow you to be able to be yourself, to be able to be silly, goofy, and to be able to share your inner thoughts without a care of what others might think, and in so doing all this you will learn as I did that women do not care nearly as much about looks as men do. So all the reasons you felt were the burden of you dating life, are actually not even real but more so your own insecurities of them is the reason that repels people away.
Now, does this mean that once you are confident that everyone will somehow like you? No, that is not at all what I am trying to say. You will still come across those who you or they just simply don't vibe with, or maybe what you're looking for isn't what they are looking for. All it means is that if you go on a date with someone and it doesn't go as planned then you wont be questioning who you are or what you are doing wrong but just be able to chalk it up as it wasn't for me and being okay with that.