You have to look people in the eyes.

Always hold eye contact when you introduce yourself.

Eye contact is the key to a good first impression.

By the time I was 21, I had heard everything self-improvement advice had to say about the importance of eye contact.

And even though it was repeated over and over, I still dismissed it. It just wasnt a high priority for me at the time.

I see this same mentality in the guys who come to me for help. While walking around Barcelona, I encouraged a client to commit to making strong eye contact with the women he greeted. He was feeling a bit overwhelmed, flustered, and finally burst out, Whats the big deal with eye contact? Why are we focusing on this so much?

I thought about how to explain the deeper reasoning to him. I wanted him to know that eye contact is SO much more than just a skill to practice. Its a heartfelt way of expressing yourself and meaningfully communicating with other people.

I wanted him to really understand the old adage, the eyes are the windows to the soul.

Looking someone in the eyes isnt just a cool trick to appear more confident. Its a fundamental component of human connection. Its how you build trust, create intimacy, and reveal your inner strength.

So today, my goal is to show you how a lifelong commitment to eye contact will profoundly transform your relationships.


Eyes arent just windows, they open doors

Eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication. Nonverbal cues speak volumes about us, whether we realize it or not.

When someone talks to you, theyre gathering information about you from multiple sources: the tone of your voice, the rhythm of your speech, the positioning of your body, and of course, the quality of your eye contact.

All of this plays a crucial role in how they perceive you. Are you friendly? Are you nervous? Are you dangerous? Are you honest

People decide how to feel about you based on your eye contact and facial expressions. These cues help them figure out your emotional state AND your intentions.

Remember that a new person doesnt know you. They dont have anything else to go on to make a snap judgement about you. So you have to make the most out of the initial moments you have with them.

Without solid eye contact, its difficult for them to come to a positive conclusion about you. Theyre more likely to be suspicious, apprehensive, and closed off. Theyve got no reason to open their heart and take things further than surface level.

Its your job to use nonverbal communication to show your best self. Without it, youve got no foundation for trust and therefore, connection.
Look and you shall be received


So your eyes tell a story all by themselves. They have a powerful effect on the receiver and influence how they will feel in the moment with you.

I know its hard to imagine how something so subtle like eye contact can make such a big difference. Let me give you some examples of how it impacts your connections more than you think.

When you look at a woman while flirting, you demonstrate your natural leadership and sexual desire for her. This further arouses a woman who is attracted to you.

When you smile back at the woman across the room and dont break eye contact until she does, you show your unshakeable confidence. She feels your boldness and becomes more intrigued because of it.

When your friend loses his job and you look into his eyes, put your hand on his shoulder, and promise him, No matter what, Im always here for you. you give him the security that he can rely on you, that you are loyal, and that you care about him. This builds a lifelong friendship.

When your employees are doubting a product launch because of some issues and you look at them and say, This is just another temporary hurdle. Well overcome it like we always have. they can feel your unwavering faith in them. It reassures them that you wont give up and you can all persevere together.

When youre pitching a product to investors, your direct eye contact convinces them that you truly believe in your work. This builds trust in you and your commitment to the product.

When you smile and hold eye contact while inviting a new girl out, you show her genuine warmth and enthusiasm. This helps her overcome her fears and doubts about taking a chance with a stranger.



When your friend is struggling after a breakup and you look him in the eyes and say, Its going to be okay, man you give him hope that there will be more in life to look forward to.

When youre interviewing for a job and maintain eye contact while they ask you challenging questions, it shows them you know your stuff. Theyre more likely to trust that you are accurately representing yourself.

When you hold eye contact for a few seconds before going for a first kiss, you build sexual tension and communicate what youre about to do. This gives her time to prepare and gets her excited about the big moment.

When first introducing yourself, strong eye contact helps women see your humanity and feel like youre not hiding anything. It encourages them to drop their guard because they feel like youre being friendly and not shady.

When getting into more intimate discussions, locking eyes shows a woman that youre not ashamed of talking about these subjects. This makes her feel like she wont be judged and she can openly talk about her sexuality, too.

When youre in the throws of intimacy with a woman, holding deep eye contact shows your immense pleasure and overwhelming desire. This drives her wild and makes it more likely that she will have a powerful orgasm.

When your wife has a bad day and you gaze lovingly at her and ask, What can I do for you right now? it reminds her of the love and security she shares with you. This helps her feel safe to talk about her problems and then move on from them.

When you look your dying family member in the eyes, you show them compassion and comfort. They feel less scared of whats to come.

In all these situations, eye contact is the difference between a passing moment or an unforgettable shared experience.
Medusa and the fear of the gaze


By now, you understand how vital eye contact is to emotional human connections. But that doesnt make it any easier to put it into actionespecially with certain people.

Fear not, because this struggle is as old as time itself.

The ancient Greeks told stories about the female monster Medusa. She turned anyone who looked at her into stone.

I think that accurately describes how a lot of men feel attempting eye contact with attractive women. God forbid they look them straight in the eyes, or else theyll be completely frozen in place.

Often, guys dont even realize theyre doing this. Its such an ingrained response usually out of fear or shame of revealing their romantic interest.

So when you know you have to look at a woman, you might feel your anxiety rise up in your stomach. To fight against this feeling, you either: break eye contact early and often, avoid it altogether, or do what I call half-looking.

By half-looking I mean when youre facing towards a woman but youre not really seeing her and her face. Youre almost looking through her. Youre not really aware of what youre saying or listening to her responses in depth. Youre just waiting for when you can look away again.

When you do this, youre treating a woman like an actual Medusa! Youre setting her up as a terrifying monster in your head. Youre treating her like shes someone you shouldnt look straight in the eyes.

You begin to lose the sense that she is another person, just like you. And you put her on a pedestal.

Youre sabotaging this human connection because youre not allowing yourself to be present with her. Youre not really seeing HER facial expressions and HER nonverbal cues. Youre not feeling her energy or emotions to help you interact with her.

And thats why your conversations end up feeling clunky and forced. You had to manufacture your responses in your head instead of vibing off the other person. You came across nervous, disconnected, and like you were putting on an act.

But once you really look a woman in the eyes, once you finally face the great Medusa, you will realize all your worries were one big fictional story.

Locking eyes with her allows you to read her and feel her warmth, kindness, and excitement. This, in turn, gives you the green light to dig in and actually enjoy talking to her. You get more fired up, more friendly, more natural with your facial expressions and gestures. You step into your most attractive self.

And all of sudden, youre no longer a boy looking into the face of a scary monster, youre a man gazing into the eyes of an equal.
The way you see others is how you see yourself


Most importantly, good eye contact not only tells other people that you are a confident, trustworthy personit tells YOURSELF those things as well.

Every time you avoid eye contact with someone, you are subconsciously convincing yourself that you are not good enough. That youre not worthy of connecting with them. That you should be ashamed of wanting to reach out.

I think that this is a HUGE part of why so many men never feel comfortable around attractive women. Or around anyone they perceive as higher value than them, like a superior at work.

These guys are destroying their self-esteem by training themselves to not feel like an equal.

Their poor eye contact results in weak connections and awkward exchanges. Because of this, they get rejected and treated worse.

This only serves to prove themselves right in believing they were unworthy and unappealing in the first place. Its a vicious, self-defeating cycle that needs to be broken.

So its time for you to fully commit to facing people head onforever.

Im not just talking about practicing looking in someones direction a few times. Im talking about fully accepting that you actually WANT people to look at you, look into you, and see you for who you are faults and all.

This is the only way youll finally overcome your fears around high-value people. Because no matter how it turns out, you are still charging into battle. You are still willing to face Medusa.

It doesnt matter if you lose a battle if overall you win the war.

You are in control of the message you send to yourself, about yourself. Youve got to see yourself as a brave fucking warrior. Youve got to see yourself as someone you can respect, admire, and love.

Dont miss out on the life-changing chemistry you could have with people if you only dared to really look at them. Connections are about so much more than the words we say so stop hiding and be bold with your eyes.



If youre looking for practical eye contact tips, check out my guide to making strong, unforgettable eye contact.

Nick Notas is a Dating blogger who mostly focusses on men interested in dating smarter. Check out his site here https://nicknotas.com/blog

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 These articles are created as a way to educate our members with tips and tricks of finding love in this day and age. It's a very different landscape out there than it was even 10 years ago. Everything is different with COVID and people are struggling. We want to help you find your person at "The Flock". That's the whole point. But to do that, education is important. Love and respect, Todd Staples. Founder of "The Flock"