Some folks are born ugly. That's not a personal judgment-- it's the reality.
The people society deem as appealing get more work options, smaller criminal sentences, and more passive interest from others.
Less appealing people are frequently judged roughly and struggle to draw in individuals they want. Some men can't get sexual companions, making them "involuntarily celibate" or "incels" as they're called online.
If you're an "ugly guy", I'm not here to minimize the truth. Physical appearance matters in the real world. And yes, it fucking sucks that you got the shit end of the hereditary lotto.
I am here to argue that you CAN and SHOULD do something about it. There's no other alternative if you wish to develop a happy life with fulfilling relationships.
The need for intimacy and companionship are hard-coded into your biology. You can attempt to ignore it or choose to be willingly celibate, but I've simply never ever seen that be a feasible long-lasting option.
An absence of human connection triggers continuous suffering. Social seclusion is torturous. It makes you bitter, resentful, angry, and even violent towards others or yourself.
Being ugly is not a social death sentence. I've personally watched numerous ugly guys captivate women that society considers gorgeous.
These are men who stand under 5' 5". Men who were formerly 50 or perhaps 100+ pounds overweight. Or men who were born with unbalanced faces, bad skin, wide-spaced eyes, genes that made them bald in their 20s, and the dreaded weak chins.
You can also find plenty of examples of effective "unappealing" guys in the public eye who date attractive women. Hell, you can walk through a busy city center and see it for yourself.
So how have these guys accomplished the so-called inconceivable?
Why some ugly men make it and some don't.
These men accepted that something needed to change. They understood it wasn't going to be simple and they started with an uphill struggle.
They knew they weren't going to alter what ladies have biologically reacted to for thousands of years. They also comprehended that the majority of the time, guys need to take the lead in courtship.
So rather, they committed to altering themselves and their behavior.
They worked their asses off to end up being more appealing regardless of their genes, both physically and mentally. And they put themselves out there regularly to get indispensable experience.
They didn't mope around and complain about being a victim. They didn't spew misogynistic hate through web forums for days on end.
Due to the fact that once again, there was no other service to attain the connections they wanted.
Those guys used their energy to make forward progress in the real world. And THAT'S the distinction in between ugly guys who succeed and ugly guys who are destined to be forever alone.
To make these changes, it starts by moving your mindset.
Let go of the (misguided) anger
You will have a hard time to attract ladies If you're emphatically upset at them. Angry men frighten the shit out of ladies, for good reason.
If you're trying to meet ladies while filled with animosity, you'll often assume the worst about them.
For that reason, how could you be inspired to connect with them?
Then you'll behave in ways that unconsciously communicate your real feelings to women. It creates a cycle where ladies don't react to you due to the fact that you're angry, you get angrier, and after that you deal with much more rejections.
I find that anger generally stems from 2 points:
You feel slighted that you have to put in additional work just to be offered a chance when other guys do not.
You dislike that ladies can't look past your looks to see whatever else you might offer.
I want to show you why that anger is misguided and why you need to release it.
First, while some extremely appealing men get random attention, the majority of guys aren't swarmed by women. In fact, "typical" looking guys have to go through the same proactive development process as you to cultivate the romantic lives they desire.
I'm simply an average joe myself. Actually, I'm shorter than the typical guy. I was obese for the very first 20 years of my life and I was always a geek (prior to it was sort of cool).
Women never threw themselves at me. I was never ever the popular man. Nobody looked at my chubby stomach, crooked ass teeth, and thick-framed glasses and said, "Damn, I want a piece of that."
I worked really damn hard on myself and needed to acquire an incredible amount of real-world experience. You're not alone and in fact, you are the norm.
Second, you're being a hypocrite because I'm sure you don't pursue women you find physically unappealing, either. That's because you don't select who you're attracted to, you feel it.
If you're so unhappy and simply desire romantic connection, why do not you date a lady who's not traditionally appealing? They don't get as much male attention and I'm confident you might discover lots of ladies who 'd be open to seeing you.
The truth is that you won't since you do not desire them ... which doesn't make you an evildoer. It makes you human. So you have no grounds to be pissed off when some ladies respond the same way.
The terrific thing is, you can make yourself considerably more attractive in a wide range of ways. Similar to a woman can get in shape and wear attractive clothes, I'm sure you have a lot you can improve as well.
But you need to stop anticipating hot women to throw themselves at you with no work and you might need to reduce your requirements, at least in the meantime.
Momentarily lower your requirements, a little
Men with little dating experience frequently admire the hottest ladies.
They put charm on the highest possible pedestal. They obsess over Instagram models. They discuss wanting the most beautiful girls at their school.
The problem is that the more appealing a woman is, the more male competitors she has gunning for her.
So she has more options and can be more picky.
If you want consistent chances with these women, you need to stick out among other men. It's actually not that difficult in the grand scheme of things, but if you're new to this-- you'll have to put the work in.
Self-improvement and social ability development are the same as learning anything else. You can't compete against experienced pool players without developing your abilities and getting adequate practice.
This irritates a lot of ugly men. They see all the development they need to make before they can see romantic success and it feels pointless.
There's a simple solution, though ... you temper your expectations for the time being.
I'm not telling you to pursue women you don't find physically appealing. I'm suggesting you date women that you find appealing enough.
Pursue women that might not be the most beautiful creature you've ever seen, but you still find attractive and sexually desirable. Physical looks can be your first screening tool but you must still give these ladies a shot.
These women will be a lot more open to getting in touch with you. And as you grow and gain experience, you can start pursuing more sought-after women, if you so choose.
Make the best of what you were born with
While your physical appearance does influence how preferable you are to ladies, it's something you can dramatically improve.
The majority of men I meet who grumble about being "too ugly" overlook their health, grooming, style, and fitness. They expect ladies to desire them despite them being unhealthy and not put together.
I busted my ass to make myself look more attractive.
I dropped my $5 glasses and got contacts. I altered my diet plan and worked out to lose over 70 pounds. I review r/malefashionadvice and found out how to dress well after years of sporting cheap, saggy warehouse store clothes.
I used Invisalign for over two years to repair my teeth. I stick to a rigorous unibrow-fighting routine. I dropped my mom's hairstyles (she was a retired hair stylist) to invest in getting a stylish, modern hairstyle from a well-rated hair salon.
If you've got acne, see a dermatologist and get a product like Accutane to clear up your skin. If you're slim and pale, get some sun and begin adding muscle.
You do not instantly need all of these things to start enticing people. But each piece you incorporate just continues to make you a more polished and refined man.
Every man I've seen put in the work ends up being attractive enough to date the ladies they want.
Because that's what you do not realize ...
You do not have to end up being super hot, you just need to get to a base level of "put togetherness". From there, there are numerous other factors that make a man appealing ... which are all under your control.
Increase your desirability in other ways
Crafty "ugly men" have actually discovered ways to develop their attractiveness for thousands of years. They understand women fall for men for lots of reasons.
Ladies desire men with ...
Self-confidence. Practice being assertive and a leader. Become more outspoken and eloquent. Set your borders and don't be a pushover. Work your way up towards speaking with lots of people and desensitize yourself to social stress and anxiety. Get comfortable flirting and demonstrating your sexual interest.
High status or wealth. Develop new friendships and broaden your social circle. Host parties or events. Become popular in some local scenes or clubs. Work your way up in your career and keep looking for better work.
A sense of humor. Take an improv class and develop your wit. Indulge in your style of humor when speaking with ladies, not just with your friends. Practice your fun storytelling capabilities.
Strong non-verbal communication. Enhance the quality and strength of your voice. Become comfortable with giving great eye contact. Display really confident body language from the second you walk into a room.
On top of all this, you need to refine the practical skills necessary to connect with others. Connections are all about emotions and if you can make a lady feel terrific around you, she'll start to desire you in her life.
That implies you need to get the fuck in the real world and begin speaking to more men and women. Improving your existence, social skills, stress and anxiety levels, insecurity, and charisma needs hands-on experience.
Eleven years ago, I was terrified of brand-new social situations. I didn't know how to articulate myself or keep folks engaged. I performed and used phony, rehearsed lines.
However I put myself out there ... a lot! With time, I got considerably more comfortable and charismatic. I saw people react to me like never before. I received active interest from women before I even showed interest in them.
Nowadays, I believe that I can talk to nearly anyone, anywhere and there's a great opportunity we'll connect.
Challenge your predispositions about women
I understand you've most likely heard some variation of all this advice but you do not take it to heart. If you're like a lot of "incel" men I speak to, you have the poisonous belief that:
Women will never really appreciate or want an ugly guy. They'll just stick with them for money, status, or the external things they give. They will never ever have an active sex life with those guys. And women will always be waiting to cheat when a hotter man comes around or the life of ease runs dry.
I know for a fact that's bullshit. I know numerous couples who shatter these false beliefs.
I used to coach with a man who was obese and dated many beautiful ladies. My ultra-nerdy, 5' 6" good friend found a cute cosplayer to go to conventions with and she actively flirts with him all the time. Even my home painter is a balding, rough-looking man with a beautiful spouse half his age and they can't stop popping out babies.
Some ladies will only go after hot "chads", even if those men have no ethical character. Numerous ladies with integrity, nevertheless, will look past the physical look and get thrilled to sleep with a quality guy.
As for the money argument ... yes, there are gold-digging ladies who use guys for their wealth. But there are also incredible ladies who look for genuine connection.
I'm not saying money isn't a factor in some relationships. Ladies still frequently want some semblance of stability in a long-lasting partner and particularly for future kids. For many, though, that's not their main drive or what makes them want to be with someone.
But you'll never ever believe how compassionate ladies can be till you experience it for yourself. If you ever want to change, you need to see how a woman can actually desire and adore you. Just for your character and not the money you provide her.
You do that by not making yourself out to be an ATM from the start. You do not use your clout to entice ladies. You do not shower them with presents or getaways to get them to stay with you.
You offer YOURSELF. Then you select women who really regard and invest in you long-term without requiring you to spoil them.
Someone can't use you unless you let them.
You have 2 courses right now ...
You can keep imposing self-limiting beliefs. You can keep making excuses to not act. You can keep finding reasons that other "ugly guys" are anomalies and in relationships based on lies.
And I ensure that you'll keep being lonely.
OR you can actually make the changes necessary to see how your looks will not stop you from experiencing a passionate romantic life.
In the meantime, I'll keep watching the "ugly guys" I help amazingly date lovely ladies.
These articles are created as a way to educate our members with tips and tricks of finding love in this day and age. It's a very different landscape out there than it was even 10 years ago. Everything is different with COVID and people are struggling. We want to help you find your person at "The Flock". That's the whole point. But to do that, education is important. Love and respect, Todd Staples. Founder of "The Flock"